When your sister- n -law texts you at 3am a link for a writing fellowship grant she found on twitter while nursing the baby…You forget about all of everybody’s judgements…You let go of the burning list of what’s not possible in this lifetime…you find relief in a miserable yesterday that has you wide awake at 3am, and you grin a clever grin..getting back to your starry eyed you vibrating the frequency of HOPE.
The return of unlimited T..
honestly? what was I even worried about…
Thank you I am so fortunate to have this block of time each summer to get back to be the fully expressed me. The me that I put on a shelf while I make things work. Dusting her off for summer time vibrations is the best gift.
Thank you, Thank you, thank you. No complaints… of I wish or I want, only gratitude today for what I DO have right now in the present.
Working on screenplay this morning havent seen my baby (script) since probably December, so much to tweek and add into her as I’ve expanded and learned new lessons and continue to expand.. she is my prego sauce everything I’ve got its in there …hahaha like the slogan it’s in there. Yaaaaah ME!
We are that. I am. Happy New Year..can’t wait to catch you up on all that has happened in the finale of 2016. Carpe Diem Seize the day!
First 20 minutes a day…then promising myself to write every lunch break no matter how crazy and demanding work is. Then onto a few hours on the weekend to entire Saturdays..8 hrs today 12 hours last weekend. I keep looking for tricky ways to jumpstart a daily momentum during the school year.
Today, I began my Saturday reading an article on what makes a person like me tick, always needing to be there to inspire others. Gaining fulfillment by knowing I’m there for others. Yet as I began reading up on this trait and the potential hazards of overkill…I began to see my self neglect as a character strength, like I have something to prove by putting my desires last. I’ve made a hobby of it. I’ve warranted my self-worth by the deeds I do for others, to help define me. Yes I am writing now, and meditating more, but look how long it took me just to get here. “What do I do to enrich my life every SINGLE day?
What would a day look like if I pampered me ? Not just catching up on much-needed rest, but actually breathing in an active deliberate life, full of me? So while my youngest is at a sleep over today, I think I’ll take no calls. I think I’ll take a day off from loved ones lol criticizing how my head’s always in the clouds. I think I’ll take a vacation from social media, and not have anyone challenge my way of being today. No defending my financial choices, no judgements, no fear, no self-doubt. Just be with me in my own company, and see if I’d enjoy it.
I discovered that the girl within me is so deep, and cool and spiritual and outside of the lines. With tears streaming down our face, my inner me just came up with a new ending twist to my young adult novel. No one was around to call her foolish for crying about it today. No one rolled their eyes and thought her dramatic. Instead I was moved and thought awww baby, sweet baby how could you miss that so much of the main character is you. You’re beautifully connected to him in more ways than one.
As I clanked away at the keys I fell in to love with my fictional characters, as we were bonded by the emotional release.
I understood who Yen (main character) is now, why he is the way he is for his world..and he respectfully would understand me. We are one Me, myself and my main character.
My triumphs, and my tragedy I forgive all of it, thanks to the one special thing I do for me in this lifetime my artistic expression .. my voice… my writings.
With heavy eyes lids and a tight stiff neck I completed the final edit of the first 3 chapters and soon it will be ready to be sent to a lit agent.
I thought all I needed was Focus,
Then I thought all I needed was a little momentum and grind
But today it was the space in between…the undefined I found that by spending time with myself.
“We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.”
― Anaïs Nin
Thank you universe for such clarity
- I wonder, if all writers are this moody? With summer ending, and not seeing tangible goals, I wanted to at least send my first three chapters and its synopsis to a literary agent before school started. However, when I had my teen read the draft of the young adult novel (1st 3 chapters) he was frustrated with my third person limited point of views…among other things. What a downer, now I know why people don’t show their work to anyone until it’s completely finished. I went from the highest high to a mid low, second guessing if I even have what it takes to make this my life’s work.
Within 24 hrs I was back to scrolling job engines looking for a 2nd job since in my mind that was that. It just became overwhelming with my first critique and believe me this kid is a tough critic.
A day of contemplation and a gazillion Harry Potter advertisements got me at least facing the path. A quiet whispering about J.K. Rowling ‘s work and her story led me to ease slowly out of the ” what if I don’t have what it takes?” funk.
I had been meditating a lot, so even though I wasn’t sure if I could shake my low vibes I was at least aware of them. I opened up my word doc. on my phone and used the old college trick of reading the paragraphs backwards, to get a better hold on where I was confusing my readers..lol or one tough reader. Needles to say I got a few paragraphs completed that morning..my anxiety was gradually releasing.
“Tee you don’t need a second job…and you don’t need approval to continue creating your art. You just need to produce something you love, perfecting it cause you want it to be beautiful and sharing it only when you’re ready not when it’s ready. You have to remain in the knowing that financial abundance and the exiting from the hamster grinding wheel..is waiting for you, even if you can’t see it yet. You just gotta believe it’s there unfolding..then when you least expect it, then it will manifest (self – talk 101.)
found this what the heck…!
Ok let’s move..
Thanks SK squeezed out a contrite 270 word count tonight on the script. Its been such a long time since I worked on her, I’d forgotten which direction I was moving with it. It took most of the allocated time to review what had happened so far and where my mind was going with it. Weird, how the heck did I forget my own story..? But I gotta say it was action packed and thrilling, glad I went with my instincts and worked on this sci-fi piece instead of the novel. It gave my writing alter ego a boost.
And to think, when I first started my writing journey my biggest conundrum was… “Is it normal for writers to work on more than one piece at a time?” that stressed out question seems so trivial now as I enjoy this evolved moment of my future self now having multiple projects. Well until we meet again.
Stay honest with yourself and keep moving on your dream lane.