First 20 minutes a day…then promising myself to write every lunch break no matter how crazy and demanding work is. Then onto a few hours on the weekend to entire Saturdays..8 hrs today 12 hours last weekend. I keep looking for tricky ways to jumpstart a daily momentum during the school year.
Today, I began my Saturday reading an article on what makes a person like me tick, always needing to be there to inspire others. Gaining fulfillment by knowing I’m there for others. Yet as I began reading up on this trait and the potential hazards of overkill…I began to see my self neglect as a character strength, like I have something to prove by putting my desires last. I’ve made a hobby of it. I’ve warranted my self-worth by the deeds I do for others, to help define me. Yes I am writing now, and meditating more, but look how long it took me just to get here. “What do I do to enrich my life every SINGLE day?
What would a day look like if I pampered me ? Not just catching up on much-needed rest, but actually breathing in an active deliberate life, full of me? So while my youngest is at a sleep over today, I think I’ll take no calls. I think I’ll take a day off from loved ones lol criticizing how my head’s always in the clouds. I think I’ll take a vacation from social media, and not have anyone challenge my way of being today. No defending my financial choices, no judgements, no fear, no self-doubt. Just be with me in my own company, and see if I’d enjoy it.
I discovered that the girl within me is so deep, and cool and spiritual and outside of the lines. With tears streaming down our face, my inner me just came up with a new ending twist to my young adult novel. No one was around to call her foolish for crying about it today. No one rolled their eyes and thought her dramatic. Instead I was moved and thought awww baby, sweet baby how could you miss that so much of the main character is you. You’re beautifully connected to him in more ways than one.
As I clanked away at the keys I fell in to love with my fictional characters, as we were bonded by the emotional release.
I understood who Yen (main character) is now, why he is the way he is for his world..and he respectfully would understand me. We are one Me, myself and my main character.
My triumphs, and my tragedy I forgive all of it, thanks to the one special thing I do for me in this lifetime my artistic expression .. my voice… my writings.
With heavy eyes lids and a tight stiff neck I completed the final edit of the first 3 chapters and soon it will be ready to be sent to a lit agent.
I thought all I needed was Focus,
Then I thought all I needed was a little momentum and grind
But today it was the space in between…the undefined I found that by spending time with myself.
“We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.”
― Anaïs Nin
Thank you universe for such clarity